Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
