Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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