I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
