I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
