I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
