Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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