'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sext me about skeletons
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
