i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
