does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
