i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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