I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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