Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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