My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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