So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i will never coherently bang her
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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