this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
