Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
