just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
