Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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