I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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