I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
