I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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