Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm getting married
To pizza
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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