I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
