You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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