Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize