i just google imaged poop.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
