The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
