Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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