it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
