i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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