She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mom said you looked used
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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