i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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