"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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