u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
