I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
