Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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