I wanna bring you to show and tell
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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