Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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