He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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