Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
