I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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