Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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