I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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