she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
