goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
