I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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