Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
