to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
