Kiss
Puke
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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