Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
