It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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