i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
