Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
