Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone came in the potted fern
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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