Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
