i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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