he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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