i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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