I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
