Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
