So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
