U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
