I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize