First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
