It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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